Actually, It's hard, tear-filled hard

Of course one of the first things people ask is "what it is like to be back in Australia?"
I can answer that simply, even in one word - It's fabulous! - financially a very significant challenge but otherwise awesome. As you can imagine we are catching up with family and friends, we have found a church where the kids have made friends, our house is spacious, has a nice garden and a view of the mountains, it is not far to the ocean, the climate is mild, the environment is quiet.
but...
If you ask me the inverse "what it is like to be away from Cambodia?"
Well actually, it's hard, tear-filled hard.
This is where I need to apologise to all I hold dear in Cambodia. I have not been in contact with many people since we left, not like I guess we or you may have expected.  Nor have I updated my blog. It is too hard to think about Cambodia, to look at photos, to picture the school, the staff, the students, our church family, our friends, the people and the places. Every time I let my mind go there, my heart goes too.... and I just cry....like I am right now. Big fat salty droplets rolling down my cheeks, my eyes blurring and my head starting to feel like it is in a vice grip as sharp pain invades my skull.
I feel like I am caught between two worlds... yet I know I am where God wants me to be for a season. Just bear with me my friends, I know it will get easier with time and I do plan to visit Cambodia. I don't think God has finished with us in ministry and mission yet, not just because we have moved countries. And I am not ready to change our email address from brownsincambodia@gmail.com. I know Naomi is struggling, that she and Nathan both want to live in Cambodia rather than Australia. I know Gray too wants to visit in the near future.
Please pray for us as a family, that we find employment and submit to God's molding, shaping and honing. As I wrote recently on facebook "God what on earth are you doing to me... whatever it is, please don't stop".
Bless you all, please don't think I have abandoned you if I have not touched base since we left... when I can face it, don't you worry, I will, you are all so dear to me.
Love Fiona